I feel like I'm losing myself. Not in the spiritual, absorption-into-God cool kinda way either.
I used to have a niche in an Irish session- don't anymore. Could no longer hold my own there.
I don't feel I fit in at church, in a university, with fiddlers or in a symphony, with my blood family (the family I came from, not Chris and the girls). It is confusing. Where do I fit? With whom?
I feel reduced to a function. I have thought a lot about this post from my friend Katherine, where she says, M is for Mom, not maid. I laughed out loud when I read that, saying, Oh, is it?
I suppose it is part of life, and its cycles. I had seasons where I could develop my interests and pursue them, and now I am mostly tasking. The predetermined to-do-for-others list every day more or less indicates that I am an adult now, as opposed to being someone to be pitied. I am a grown up and everyone has to do it, whether they are at a paying job all day, selling their life for a house and groceries, or at home with the kids wiping bums, your time is not your own.
I hear a ''Suck it up, Princess'' somewhere in my head, and I know where from.
You know who you are. ☺
Don't worry, I'll get over myself. Misery loves company, so here I am sucking you into my vacuum. Oh - sorry! I thought you were the curtain! my bad.
Anna's quote of the day: ''Wow, Mommy! You are so tall!!''
Also, she has renamed the 7 dwarfs: Lumpy, Dumpy, Frumpy, Bumpy, Zitsy, Ritzy and Ditsy.
Lovely, isn't it?
1 comment:
awww....I know how you feel!! (is the "suck it up princess" me???? hahah)
suck it up is reserved for the kind of problems that are really insignificant like "Soooo many boys like me...who EVER will I take to prom?"
Identity issues are important. I live in that world too.
I know it's not helpful to hear that its a season..but...well..."it's a season". It's the "you-have-babies-and-you-lose-yourself-for -a-short-time" season.
The trick...is to not look at that like some kind of bad thing. It's actually the greatest act of love and affection we can give our children. Jesus did it...right? All parents learn that for your kids to be 'okay' in the future...it takes a laying down of your life for a season. For maybe..err...3 days? Or in people years...perhaps 3 or 4 years. It's really a vapor....and you have the assurance that your children will go to school one day VERY SOON...and you will be left to pick up your own identity again (not that you lost it before...but you layed down the "all about me" thing for a while) You really DO get a chance to take time to figure out who you are and where you fit...
take heart....it's not over....
And I hear you about fiding a place to belong....there are lots of round holes around....the probeblem isn't that I'm a square peg..oh no...I'm a freaking brick!!
Bricks unite!!
love ya...
Y
Post a Comment